Saturday, October 21, 2006

CNN's on top of it

Originally posted 5/3/06


Today on CNN.com, while the U.S. is on the brink of dropping nukes on Iran, CNN spent time listing the top 10 strangest excuses people have given for being late for work.

NEWS!

The Idiot has his own top 10.

10. When I stopped at the Starbucks on the way in to work, the Brazilian girl behind the counter offered to foam my latte. She said she wanted me to play with her Brazil nuts. So I took out my grande full-caf, you know, I mean she was Brazilian. I mean, come on! Brazilian! Anyway, the swelling from the coffee burns should go down in a couple of days.

9. They were giving away free angioplasty with every Enormous Omelet Sandwich at Burger King.

8. My dick fell off.

7. I stopped to help a homeless man who was having a heart attack right there on the sidewalk. It was only after I brought him back to life that I realized it was Gerald Ford!

6. Aliens flew a plane into my building.

5. Terrorists broke into my house and anal probed me.

4. Dick Cheney shot me in the face.

3. The apocalypse. What can you do?

2. I almost hit a guy on the highway and I crapped my pants. I’m not proud of it. What, should I have just come in to work with soiled underwear? Is that what gets you off? You sick F*CK!

1. Your wife didn’t want to leave this morning.

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