Saturday, October 21, 2006

Humans vs. Ants

Originally posted 4/3/06


Humans have to be God’s biggest disappointment. Really, we have to be. I want you to think about something for a minute. Think about an ant. A teeny-tiny little black ant. This little creature, barely bigger than the width of our hair, has the ability to follow a trail, to roam around and look for food, carry stuff, to dig long, complicated tunnels, and work together to create entire underground civilizations. If you step next to it, it realizes it’s in danger, and it runs for cover, it can do this. Now granted, they’re not splitting the atom, but think about this. That tiny little ant… with a tiny little head… and a microscopic brain, no more than just a few brain cells connected together, and it can do all that. That’s pretty damn impressive. I mean, look at us, our brains are a billion times that size, and what do we spend all day doing? Following sidewalks, looking for food, carrying stuff…

A lot of people chalk it up to instinct. They say, “yeah, but ants aren’t really thinking, they’re just following instinct.” Well, that’s true, but all that instinct is kept somewhere. It’s not just floating around in the air. So if an ant can do all that with just a few brain cells connected together, we should be able to, at the very least, levitate or something.

That ant thing is great. You can guilt anybody into doing anything with that one. Guys, try it on your girlfriends sometime. I’m giving it to you. Next time you catch hell for leaving the toilet seat up, just say, “Honey, if an ant can do all that with just a few brain cells, at the very least, you can learn to look before you sit down to take a dump.” Just don’t ask to stay at my place afterwards. Or, if you’re really bold, there’s, “Honey, if an ant with only a few brain cells can do all that, the least you can do is take it up the ass.”

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