Saturday, October 21, 2006

Immigrants disappear; Magician all too visible

Originally posted 5/1/2006


All across the nation today, illegal immigrants left their jobs and schools in protest of immigration legislation, demanding that a pathway to citizenship be opened up for millions of migrant workers.

The Idiot agrees with the plight of these people. It’s about time the United States developed a real, comprehensive naturalization plan so that people from other countries can become citizens of the Greatest Nation in the History of Nations in the Known Universe Inc. Because as it is right now, there is no way that anybody who wasn’t born here and descended from one of the original Native American tribes can be a citizen. Just a bunch of friggin’ boat people walking around here, it’s disgusting.

I mean, there’s an entire branch of government called the Immigration and Naturalization Bureau, what the hell are they doing?

The walkout of the migrant workers was supposed to show their strength and the impact they make on the economy. For example, it was expected that the produce industry would be spun into turmoil without the migrants doing those jobs that “Americans won’t do”.

Good try, but a little naive. I’m sure we can chalk it up to their limited amount of time in this country, but we’re not going to starve without having our lettuce picked for one day. After all, this is AMERICA. Who the f*ck eats salad here?

Magician David Blaine entered a “water bubble” today, an 8-foot acrylic sphere where he intends to stay for a week, or until his fingers get pruny. He is breathing through an oxygen tube, and will finish off his stunt by removing the tube and trying to break the world record for holding his breath under water, 8 minutes and 58 seconds, while escaping from 150 pounds of chains and handcuffs, which will air live on ABC.

Said the magician/attention whore, “I don’t think about death, but I am prepared for it. My only fear is the fear of the unknown.”

So how does he know that he’s afraid of it?

When he emerges from the bubble, it’s expected that the water in the bubble will be a disgusting mixture of shit, piss, dead skin, and arrogance.

A million bucks goes to anyone who will fart in his breathing tube.

Seriously.

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