Tuesday, October 03, 2006

My Own Superpower

I have bad eyesight. Always have. I got my first pair of glasses in the 2nd grade, and they were the fugliest optic creation in history. I didn’t want them. My mom made me wear them.

Still scarred.

I was a junior in high school when I was finally allowed to wear contacts, and I’ve had plastic on my eyeball ever since.

Now, I hate wearing my glasses. They really distort your vision, which you get used to after a while (thanks to the remarkable adaptive power of the brain), but in short doses, it’s just nauseating. I don’t get double-vision or triple-vision, I get 18-ple vision. It’s like living in a kaleidoscope.

Because I hate wearing my glasses, I horribly abuse my eyes with my contacts. I wear my 2-week disposables for about 3 months at a time. I don’t even look at a calendar, I just take them out when everything gets foggy. When I wake up and think I’m in San Francisco, that’s when I finally change them.

That’s right. I let protein and bacteria buildup guide me.

Lots of people have suggested Lasik, since I’m so bad about changing my contacts. It is tempting. But there’s something I’d miss…

I’m super near-sighted. And without any correction, I have to get about 3 inches away from something to see it clearly, and anyone who is half as nearsighted as me can attest, you get this mega-macro visibility when you’re that nearsighted.

It’s almost like a superpower.

Cells, microscopic organisms come to life before my very eyes. When I look in the mirror, I can get down to the molecular level of my skin. My pores are gigantic, they look like buttholes covering my face.

It’s like an ant’s eye view. It’s seeing reality on a separate plane of existence.

Take that away from me? Hell no!


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