Saturday, October 21, 2006

Oh, Glorious Day

Originally posted 5/8/06


The Noble Idiot could not be happier.

Best day of his life. Seriously. Right up there with his wedding day.

I read THIS.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III BROUGHT IN $10 MILLION LESS THAN ANALYSTS THOUGHT IT WOULD AND IS CONSIDERED A DISAPPOINTMENT!

OH, GLORIOUS DAY!

Finally, in a very real way, the American people have spoken and they’ve said, “Enough Tom Cruise!”

Wow! Who would have known that it would actually work? Someone makes a total ass out of himself and there are actually consequences for it. It’s amazing, it’s like I actually have some kind of faith in the idea of democracy again.

And all he had to do was jump on some couches, insult Suddenly Susan for doing whatever was necessary to keep from drowning herself, berate everybody’s favorite morning news anchor, scramble the brains of America’s sweetheart and knock her up. Oh, and be a condescending space monkey to everybody he sees.

Is that what it takes? Would people suddenly get up in arms about Iraq if Dubya got Scarlett Johansson pregnant?

I kinda can’t blame Tom Cruise. He’s been the Most Disgustingly Good Looking Guy in the Worldfor the last two decades, and now he’s starting to get to an age where he won’t be able to make a living off his looks for very much longer. He had to find a new handle. So, he decided to give “maniac” a try.

And he’s dancing like he’s never danced before.

Part of me wants to feel sorry for some of the other people involved in the movie, but I just can’t really. J.J. Abrams has two very successful TV series under his belt - Lost and Alias - not to mention he’s up to write and direct the next Star Trek movie. Philip Seymour Hoffman just won the Best Actor Oscar (and followed in the tradition of Best Actor winners following their win with a bad mainstream film - Jamie Foxx in Stealth, anyone?).

And I certainly can’t feel sorry for Tom Cruise. Besides the fact he’s richer than everyone in Montana combined, all he has to do if he’s depressed is take some vitamins and exercise, and his thetans will get right in line.

XENU AIN’T GOT NUTHIN’ ON ME!!!

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