Saturday, October 21, 2006

Ski Shooting

Originally published 2/26/06

Is Curling really the strangest Olympic event?

The Idiot doesn’t think so.

Curling is just shuffleboard on ice. You slide a rock and knock the other guys out of the way. Not that strange really, except for the janitors that sweep the ice in front of the rock.

The Idiot’s vote for strangest sport? Biathlon.

Here’s what you do: Ski cross country for dozens of miles with a rifle on your back and from time to time shoot at something.

And it’s not just one event, it’s TEN DIFFERENT EVENTS that consist of skiing, stopping, shooting, and skiing again. What was going on in the meeting when they came up with that sport? They thought long and hard about what two completely random actions that have absolutely zero to do with each other can they mix together into one sport. And this is what they came up with. And then they have the nerve to call it the biathlon.

It doesn’t even fit the naming scheme. Marathon = running. Triathlon = running, biking, swimming. So, naturally, the biathlon should be skiing and shooting. Que?

Sing it with me, folks... One of these things is not like the other...

Apparently you can just make up a sport. Here’s some suggestions: You swim 20 laps and then shoot a basketball. Or run 20 miles and stop once a mile to brush your teeth. Or do a gymnastics routine and then get a hockey puck shot in the nads. They all make just as much sense as the biathlon.

And they didn’t even do a good job of combining the two sports. Cross-country skiing - the most boring kind of skiing - and then lay down on the ground and take your time to aim at a target. What’s the fun in that? I say make it a downhill slalom, where they have to shoot at a target while racing downhill at 50 miles per hour. And have the targets be on a spinning wheel mounted on top of their teammate’s heads.

Now THAT’S something people will turn off American Idol for.


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